Quality parenting

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i can’t say what a good parent is, nor do i have any kids to hand out advice…i have been around quite a few parents to see a common trait or perhaps a common quality they all seem to share from my friends parents to complete strangers who have kids even those life calls my family, and i couldn’t help but to notice how they all talk shit about their kids and don’t seem to mind everyone else doing so either..  i can’t imagine what could possibly compel a mother or father to completely cut down and ridicule one of their own.. if a parent is let down,disappointed and perhaps completely embarrassed from their child’s bad behavior and poor choices is it okay then to mock and ridicule them.. i am sure if the parent feels that child is disgracing the family’s name then it might be okay to trash their kids name even though that kid still carries the family name…

i wonder if a parent feels that their child poses some kind of a challenge or threat to them because in some kind of confused and distorted way of thinking that their child is either more of a man or women then they are so they find it acceptable to start talking shit about them and satisfaction in the fact that some people jump on their bandwagon and start talking shit about their kids as well…

maybe the parent had a child with some one they once loved but eventual would absolutely hate and are constantly reminded of him or her when they see this child and that alone for them is enough to bad their kid..

im sure if this parent feels like they didn’t amount to much in life or didn’t enjoy life like they would have liked to or feels like life was much harder on them and see that their kids can amount to much more and hold potential or find some kind of enjoyment in life or sees that life is much easier on their kids then it was on them that it is alright then to completely bad mouth their kids… i couldn’t imagine why any parent would be jealous of their own but it seems that way..

i wonder if certain things that bothers a parent enough to cut down their children is actually how that parent views and feels about them self .. after all it is DNA your going after

perhaps it’s none of the above and that they just didn’t want kids to begin with .. life has left them bitter, cold and a distasteful out look on life and the fact they became a parent only worsened it…

maybe it’s not even that, maybe that’s how they’re parents raised them….

12 thoughts on “Quality parenting

  1. It stuns me when even “good” parents I know will make remarks about their kids that are meant to cut them down, or at least, deflate or trivialize something they did. Even if it’s not to their face, and the parent isn’t “meaning” to be negative, it seems to reflect more on the parent’s embarrassment in some cases. For instance, a mom I know has two daughters. She’s very loving and sweet, but then, upon seeing what the oldest drew and created for my son, she seemed ashamed and laughed it off, saying, “Oh, God, that’s worse than money.” She also jokes about how tone-deaf her daughter is.

    I guess that’s better than when they maliciously cut down the child or say things to their face that are negative, the way my mom did. Either way, it’s baffling and very sad. A lot of the time, I don’t even think the parent realizes the full effect. I’m sure my mom, to this day, doesn’t realize what an impact she had on us.

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    • wow i could only imagine what kind of jokes she could possibly come up with about her kid being tone deaf.. thats very true even “good” parents have comments like that, which is even more confusing…
      parents dont realize the full effect and when it’s brought up to them i noticed that their pride almost always wont allow them to own up to the fact it was a cut down … it’s sad to think a parent is embarrassed with their child and that it is then appropriate to ridicule them , and most people in looking for approval from their parents continue to tolerate it throughout their life…

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      • That’s a good point. A lot of people have a pride thing about it and go for the self-preservation route. “Oh, I wasn’t cutting him down, really.” “Oh, I’m just joking.” I do also agree with you that the person’s own parents have a lot to do with it. My own mother was criticized a lot growing up. The woman I spoke of who calls her kid tone-deaf, her mother was also very critical.

        so there seems to be a trend there. It is quite sad…

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      • those vicious cycles that are completely unacknowledged … after my mothers mother told me that if she didn’t believe in god she would have drowned all 8 of her kids in the tub , and i wondered if that was at all normal for a parent to act that way towards their own , but now noticing it so much i wonder if Any parent doesn’t not talk shit about their own…

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  2. WOW! That is so tragic. I can only imagine what those kids did endure… it is things like this that made me want to get into social work/helping children. But what really has to change is the fundamental beliefs these parents have, or whatever screwed up mentality they have about it.

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  3. Kari I.

    It’s all of those things, or any of them, sadly. I personally don’t agree that telling your child they are tone-deaf (if they truly are) is harm, I think we need to show kids the way the world really is and tell them the truth. It is wrong to lie to kids about their talents- prod them on as if they are all geniuses and singers. That said, you don’t say it in a mean way, and you tell them about their uniqueness and how everyone has good and bad about them. Tell them of their good if you must tell them something bad, like that they are tone-deaf. But when parents say mean things it is because they are used to it culturally, don’t love themselves, are jealous of their kids, or just can’t handle their parenting duties- had kids too young, aren’t mentally capable, never wanted kids… you covered it pretty much. Nice post.

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