Marriage Dominators

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i have seen so many different aspects to what love holds … it brings light to peoples life but for some love is completely dark… at some point in that quest for love some believe to make that love “official” they do what most consider the greatest accomplishment of their life and get married…

That wedding ring states the person is married, but i have wondered what does that marriage license do? does it make it official? Does it just prove that you are married? Does it Mean That you now legally own your spouse?

There is a respect factor that takes place towards marriages, but isn’t their a respect factor in the marriage? i imagine their is certain things that come to an end when you get married as you let go of being single and transition into being married, i am completely aware their is no perfect relationship and that with the highs comes the lows..

but i don’t believe that a marriage means you own another persons life… i have seen men in their marriage in absolute control over everything even their wife… not even just the marriage but in a relationship as well how one feels they own the other..

i doubt when you sign your marriage license it means that you sign over your rights as a person to the other spouse, although that controlling spouse might think different… i have seen a few married men dictate everything about their wife’s life from who she can and cannot hang out with to even how she act’s as a person, i don’t think she thought that in signing the marriage license she was agreeing to sign over her individuality…

i don’t believe that anybody should have to ask for permission to go to the store because the insecure spouse needs to know where you at at all times.. asking who your married to if what your wearing is nice or cute is one thing but when what you wear becomes dictated because your spouse doesn’t want you having to much attention or thinks that by you not looking your best he can trust you more… i would think that part of the reason you said your vows is because you completely trust that person…. maybe that spouse has a serious inferiority complex and doesn’t want you looking better than him….

in a marriage where you have to watch what say or the tone you say it in so you don’t offend or hurt your spouses feelings, i wonder where in the vows does it say that when you get married the 1st amendment no longer applies to you…

some love getting married so much they get married numerous times, some have huge extravagant weddings and are willing to go broke over it and some just prefer the drive thru that’s open 24hrs a day…..

i am sure marriage is a great thing and it seems it works differently for each couple, some claim to have a great spouse that they are completely in love with while they have a lover on the side and then some choose to just remain in denial but however there marriage to work and last (which is a rare thing nowadays) is great for them… but would it still last if the divorce was as cheap as the marriage license…

mutual love and mutual respect in a marriage is important where 2 become a unity Not Defined By One, an individual shouldn’t have to lose their identity to better suit the marriage…

80 thoughts on “Marriage Dominators”

  3. Great post! neither person should forsake their individuality! And neither should dictate the marriage! Your right on with the word ‘respect’ 😄

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  5. Martha Kennedy

    I think that whatever a person brings from “home” determines who they’ll marry and how it will work. I gave up. I am only capable of marrying versions of my mom and my fucked up brother. Some deep thing inside me has tremendous power and desperately wants to make THOSE two hopeless situations turn out differently and has tried over and over again to do just that. Can’t happen.

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  6. You’re right, I look around and I see so many people treating marriage licenses as no more than a tittle deeds which allow them to treat the other person like an object they posses and control. I like the bit about divorce being as cheap as the marriage license, it does make one wonder

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  7. I think there is too much credence given to Hollywood romance (or lust). My hubby and I were best friends before we became lovers and now have been together 21 years. It did help that I was looking for something quite different than the life of my parents.

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  8. Milly

    This was really interesting to read. Your insight is dead on. I think people mistake care for control. I personally feel that yes, respect your spouse but don’t control them. I was married very briefly and my now exams-husband didn’t feel the need to be courteous and call me or anything while working almost all day or let me know if he had to be elsewhere after work. I on the other hand feel as though you should not have to ask your spouse to do something that should be common sense to do when married. I always let him know where I was. Out of respect and love. It wasn’t about control in my case. It was about genuine care. What if something happened. As my husband I should know where he just in case and vice versa.

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  9. Milly

    And to add on, I too believe that it’s Strange how some people lose their identity when they get married or are scared to be themselves. If it’s true and real there shouldn’t be any sensory. Be who you are. Marriage is not a prison as some would say. It’s all about the attitude.

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  10. Good post, Teddy. I was married for twenty years. It wasn’t a bad marriage, it was a good partnership, but we never became more than friends. I don’t think I’ll ever get married again, simply for the reason – I felt he stayed for most of those 20 years out of a sense of obligation, not desire. Being with someone who doesn’t want you, hurts as much as being with someone who doesn’t trust, or tries to dominate you.

    I believe in love. I believe in relationships. I believe in respect and trust. If two people have this with each other, combined with passion, chemistry, and desire… then they will be together because they choose to be. I’m an honest, faithful person – and don’t need a ceremony or piece of paper to validate that or to keep me in a relationship.

    Of course I say all of this while I’m single and currently NOT in a relationship, so take it with a grain of salt.

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  13. “been there, done that.” and your post expresses some great thoughts and raises some good questions regarding marriage; could write a whole book on the topic – ugh. but i think “choose wisely,” has become my new mantra. especially for anyone thinking of entering anything that’s legally binding. to make a good marriage first requires the right ingredients (such as two emotionally healthy individuals – emphasis on individuals), and after the vows are said, a lot of hard self-work, and still not sure having the contract is entirely necessary anymore or… maybe i’ve just come to that personal conclusion because of where i am at this point in my life. thanks for the read!

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  14. aqilaqamar

    Reblogged this on Iconography ♠ Incomplete and commented:
    So many women and men like that that like being domineering. No one liked Stanley from “A Streetcar named Desire” hell even Tennessee Williams said that Stanley gets horrendously ugly and stupid but and Stella also gets ruined but only Blanche Dubois, in her own way, survives this decimation and degradation of character.

    In the end a domineering person only kills themselves, not others.

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  15. This thought is starting to work it’s way into my life again. Marriage. The thought of to spiritually complete, strong, indepentant people rising together to enter a new level of conscious involvement sounds great. I have found myself in all of the situations above and I have discovered that I would much rather be single and dreaming of the right time and place than expierencing anymore crap in my life. You never really know someone until you marry them. My biggest shocker was marrying my ex. He changed that week! I am hopeful that it will work out eventually until then I am going to keep trying to grow and thrive spiritually and physically because I want that person to be evolved, compassionate and full of vitality… I wont settle for anything less… thanks for the perspective Teddylee very enlightening
    ~* Michelle

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    • that’s true, a marriage all of a sudden exposes peoples true colors as your case of only a week… the best thing your doing is not settling for anything less and know exactly what you want michelle…

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  17. bunny48

    Wow, Great Post. Just ended a 12 year marriage. He wanted it. I am a Christian. Raised Catholic. Felt very guilty having believed Divorce is a Sin. But, He was an Unbeliever. Celebrities and the internet make it to easy to quit marriage when you get tired of it or want something better. I believed in that commitment for life. I believed in those words, “For Better or Worse, In Sickness and Health.” He didn’t. Even friends can change. My parents were married for 52 years and I don’t know how happy they really were together. It didn’t really matter then. They worked things out. Marriage was based on respect, trust, faith and Love. Our morals our fading now and it is sad.

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  18. This is good stuff. My marriage was littered with substance abuse and physical/verbal abuse. I am free of that now and know a new peace. I admire men who appreciate a genuine respect in a marriage and have admiration for the person they love.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Anita Bonen

    You have a very thorough way of thinking through tricky issues. Nicely done.
    Marriage is sometimes tough to talk about because its meaning varies so much from person to person. The big thing that I’ve noticed is how a lot of people don’t take into account how spouses can grow apart without there being anything wrong with the marriage. Everything moves so fast nowadays, included how quickly we change as people. So why can’t marriage be an evolution instead of a certainty?

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  20. neffy93

    So true. I don’t want to change who I am when I eventually get married but at the same time I don’t want to offend my partner by not acknowledging the fact that it’s not just me to think about pleasing anymore. There has to be balance and a readjustment of the way we look at things rather than a complete denial and turn around in who we are.

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  22. You are absolutely right my friend. The worst part about my divorce was how long it took because my ex felt like he owned me or something. I know in ancient times of early civilization it often was that way. There were also cultures where women dominated. The only real relationships that work are those where individuals share a partnership, be it marriage, friendship, familial relationship or work environment. I think mankind still has a long way to go towards this, if in fact, we aren’t going backwards at this point. Thank you for following my blog. You are very insightful and thoughtful.

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    • yeah i agree, mankind has a very long way to go.. domination/control is embedded throughout life and history it seems… thank you dweezer19 for the compliments and follow as well..

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  23. revealedwoman

    Oh, what to say…
    You summed it up, my marriage that is.
    But I’ve ‘escaped’, he no longer controls me and he still can’t break the habit. But I’m free and happier than I’ve been for years and years.
    And you’re correct, what right does a wedding right or marriage certificate give you to control another person? None. Wish I’d realised earlier.

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  29. Love this. Marriage is hard, i’m on my second one. There are days I wonder if it is at all worth it, especially when my husband is depressed and anything that can possibly be taken the wrong way is and leads to a pointless argument. but in the end i stay, i love him even if sometimes he dominates our marriage. would i get married again if something were to happen…. ahhh probably not. I miss the freedom of not worrying about keeping a marriage together and atleast healthy most of them.

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