Behavioral Improv’s

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A couple years ago when my youngest brother was like 3 or 4, i remember watching him searching for this outfit and not giving up till he found it, when he found it there was serious focus in putting it on and once he put on his black spider man mask to complete the outfit, he went right into character without even trying.. I let my mind drift back to his age and the moments when i could convince myself i could be anyone i wanted….

my first time watching “Harriet the spy” i completely thought i was a little spy myself and once i had all those things that i believed to make me a spy, i was completely convinced, i even took notes from blues clues to become a better spy.. Being raised by women i was completely mesmerized by Their long dark hair and all the colored heels they wore, the different colored strings, the bra’s, the purses, nylons, jewelry, tight spandex, glitter and all the layers of make up they spent so much time putting on, as a little boy that was another character i convinced myself i could be and having a little sister who liked to play dress up was perfect, between the barbie dolls and the women in our lives it inspired the make up we wore down to the heels we picked out… i could go right from that into a full blown construction worker… maybe being a gemini made it even more so easier…

I realize that i didn’t lose that side to me right away and it would serve me as long as i needed it… when i was older and certain things took place i felt i needed to “pretend” like everything was all right around everyone… what took place when no one was around and behind closed doors that left me feeling broken and altered but as soon as i got in front of someone or walked back through that door i went right back into “pretending” like i was happy and fine.. I could fool most, but i realized it only added to the fact that i remained lost and untrue to myself. The things i pretended i had found comfort in…Β  i started thinking about the fact that as children we can go into being someone else and pretending certain things to be true even though they’re not…

I am sure everyone has there reason for pretending to be okay or alright, i remember when i was younger seeing my mother cry and when i asked her if she was alright she would say “everything was fine” as she wiped her eyes, her pretending to be okay so i wouldn’t worry… some people can pretend so well no one would ever guess there is something wrong, i noticed though there are people who can see right through the fact your pretending… but how long could you really pretend for, at some point even an actor gets burnt out… i became exhausted and tired in pretending certain things, i found myself looking back on my life and the process of becoming true to who i was began to take place..

Coming to terms with my past i didn’t find it necessary to continue pretending with certain things, and i found this Real me character far more fascinating than anything i pretended to be…

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47 thoughts on “Behavioral Improv’s

  1. Teddy, I am a Gemini too. And I am also a great pretender… but I’m working on it. Part of my problem is the fear that if people really know what I think or feel, they will abandon me. My husband has really helped me with this.

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  2. I actually thought I was Wonder Woman, Until, I jumped off my neighbors garage with the cape I had from the costume. Now, I just watch it on old movie channels. Hahaha. Great Post!!!
    Jen

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  3. Sometimes, we behave the way that the world expects us to, and, in the end, we’d lose ourselves, only to realize, that we should’ve STAYED true to our own values, and, finding what was lost back again, takes a HELL of a LOT longer than to lose it in the first place…

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  4. At my grandmas house I would run into the backyard of the neighbors and spy into their huge shed. They had a wall full of license plates from different states, so I was convinced they had multiple identities. Of course all of this was inspired by Harriet the Spy. πŸ™‚

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  5. neffy93

    I don’t think I am anyone else but I think at times I get lost in myself to shut out all of the external noise. I kind of totally indulge myself and be the pure me. I kind of relate to what you’re saying here. At times being yourself and shaking off the cloaks we wear to be someone else is the best form of freedom. The freedom we feel of being someone else is just another prison for our true self I guess. Not making sense, but hope you get what I mean. Tired. Final year study is killing me slowly πŸ™‚

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  6. I love this post. I think most people can relate to this in that pretending is just a way of life. Most of us can’t get by without it. Someone ticks you off at work and in the back of your mind you’re knocking their teeth off but outwardly you just fake a smile (or is that just me?) I’m a cancer though so supposedly we cancers are wildly imaginative. Admittedly, I do take time out of my day to go into a pretend “future” world where myself and my family live lavishly and I must say it’s pretty nice to be out of reality for a while. I actually do this everyday in the shower and then once I step out it’s like “oh, back to real life…” Pretending is good while it lasts. Just have to know when to snap back.

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  7. Excellent post, Teddy. My past is filled with “I’m fine’s.” I have rare diseases and don’t look sick. I’m glad I don’t, not complaining, but it’s hard when people don’t get what’s really going on inside. You learn to say, “I’m fine.”

    I always relate to your posts because we share a similar background. We get really good at acting. We pretend in order to survive. I agree it has served me well as an adult, especially as a past teacher.

    Keep up the good work. Don’t pretend here. I don’t. My blog is my safe place. You are safe here. πŸ™‚

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  8. Sometimes who we really are can get trapped under layers of who others have told us we are or wanted us to be. There is a true peace in knowing who you really are, and knowing that that is sufficient. Only God knows who we were born to be before other people got in there and messed it up. He is, indeed, the lover of our souls.

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