Fatherless children

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Working in the gym i noticed these mothers raising their child or children by themselves, maybe they had a boyfriend and maybe they didn’t, maybe the child’s dad was around and maybe he wasn’t, a lot of them opened up to me and would tell me that their child’s dad took off when she first found out she was pregnant or took off at some point down the line because he didn’t want the responsibilities of being a parent… maybe these mothers just needed someone to vent to… there was this one mom in particular whose child was making a fathers day gift and when she seen what her child was doing she said “oh how cute, to bad she doesn’t have a dad to give it to” and when she was done i saw a sense of sadness in her eyes, as she was probably debating on who she would have her daughter give the fathers day card to…

how does any mother explain something like that to their child, i don’t think there is any right way or right time to inform the child their dad isn’t around.. i was told at a young age by my grandfather that my real father wasn’t around, there was no explanation given right away when it was said, but eventually when i was older things were explained the best they could be.. i am sure that void is always felt, even before it’s told to the fatherless child, but i wonder if that void is so powerful it’s possible to be felt even in the womb… after all, there is a connection for so many months before the child is born…

There were children with both parents around, whether or not the parents were together made no difference because their dad was still in the picture… but seeing a number of kids without dad around it was an all to familiar feeling, i could relate to those kids.. it didn’t matter they were only a few years old and i was almost 20, that void i carried they to carried as well…

Maybe i was fortunate enough to be raised around my brothers dad, but he not only made it obvious i wasn’t his he reminded me i wasn’t when he would tell me things like he only helps raise me because my real dad wanted nothing to do with me…

My real dad was a contributing factor to me being born, and that was it.. i am not defined by him in any way at all, i am my own person… There isn’t anything i need to come to terms with him with.. he left and that was it… my mother was both my mom and dad… She taught me to be a man, showed me how men should and shouldn’t treat women and yet was mother at the same time…

And as those mothers at the gym would tell me how they are raising their child by themselves, i would tell them what life and my mother showed me, that maybe life not giving me a father did me a favor and was probably protecting me from having one… i realize that through my mothers instincts it is and was all i needed, and for that………

i am thankful

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59 thoughts on “Fatherless children

  1. My dad travelled all the time, but I had my mum and grandparents :D, so that helped. There is no way I can change the past, but I am grateful for the things that happened to me when I thought I had lost.

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  2. I am close to eighty now. My parents divorced when I was 10. I lived with my mother and my mother parents. All of them loved me very much. However, all years until I married at 25 I felt terrible that my father was not with me. Then I became a father and a grandfather and I still have a scar in my heart.
    I believe that every child needs two loving parents and that governments today don’t pay proper attention to the fact that so many children grow without fathers.
    I also admire many single mothers I met who sacrifice everything for happiness of their children.

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    • I wish i knew how to deal with my void, but i feel like it doesn’t go anywhere…
      thats true, i completely agree about the governments.. Did it get easier for you to deal with?

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      • When we started own family we decided to have two children ASAP. We got a son, then a daughter and love to the family changed everything. But years without a father still are in my memory.
        Last eleven years every summer there are a mother and a daughter where we live. The mother is a heroine, her love has no limits. But it is clear that the daughter suffers very much without a father (especially if other children have fathers).

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  3. zareenn3

    I feel you. My dad isn’t around anymore. Not like he left or anything. But he lives in Bangkok now, far away, getting married soon. And my mom’s getting married to someone else. Not having a father around affects me but i hate it how he affects my brothers and it’s really sad.

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    • life showed me that women raise men to be more of a man than men raising men, maybe it’s not true all the time, but it was for me.. it will be for you to persiakarema… i was raised by a strong minded woman that over took any kind of man influence i had growing up… i used to watch or overhear her getting abused, and i thought ” i will never be anything like that “, and then she raised me with telling me to be more of a man than what i knew growing up, while i don’t know what a man is, i know what a man isn’t…
      thank you for the comment 🙂
      i love your blog btw..

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      • Your mother is a great woman to go through what she did, yet still managed to raise a fine gentleman like yourself. I admire her. I’m sorry you had to overhear her getting abuse, as I am sorry she had to experience such pain.

        Thank you for reading my blog and for your kind words. I really appreciate it.

        Much love. xx

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  4. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings on single parenthood. My sis is recently divorced with 3 young children. She didn’t want it and loved her unfaithful husband. The entire family hurts when a parent decides to “check out” on their responsibilities. It’s sad for all involved.

    It’s wonderful you had a positive influence in your life. 🙂

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    • thats true, the entire family does hurt when one decides to “check out”, i never understood that, im sure theres a reason for everything though…
      all the best to your sister Anna…

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      • Good to know!! I was raised by a single mother and I have never meet my bio father so I get the void. I just fear at times that my boy isn’t getting enough masculine influence. I’m sure some of that comes naturally though, fingers crossed.

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      • Some of does come naturally.. i feel like all single mothers are strong minded women.. I think boys who don’t have a dad luck out in a way because my mother was always telling me things like how to treat women and things like that and I saw see now that who better teach that then a mother. Granted I wasn’t really shown how men interacted with other men or how a man was supposed to act I learned all that through the years. Life taught me. Your boy is gonna be just fine. A sadness that you learn to cope with and hopefully get past but let me tell you that mothers instincts is all you need. You won’t go wrong with that.

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  5. I’m glad I came across your blog…this was a very thoughtful and touching post, thank you for writing this. Looking forward to reading more. I’ve boys, and while their dad is present, he is quite emotionally manipulative and abusive to say the least, and often wonder how they will learn to be a good, caring, respectful, responsible men when their father has modelled quite the opposite behaviours. Dads don’t realize how much children observe and how much they look up to them (and want to look up to them, even though they sometimes disappoint…) Beautiful words for your mom. And thank you for reassuring words for this single mom 🙂

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    • i’m sorry to hear your ex-husband is emotionally abusive and manipulative, hopefully in him being your ex all that has stopped…
      How many boys do you have if you don’t mind me asking?
      dads don’t realize that their actions help shape who their kids are… your kids will be fine, there dad may not be able to show them how to treat women but honestly, who better show a man how to treat women than a woman, especially a mother and in you showing them, you can’t go wrong alright….
      thank you for the comment, it means a lot to me…
      im glad you found reassurance in what you read 🙂

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  6. This blog is wonderful as it shows how out of pain and loss someone can grow a huge heart. My Dad died when I was in my early twenties, so I did have him for the first part of my life, but now with a lot of tough times going down I do miss him. That is not as hard as never having a Dad, but you look to the positive in your situation, though I can imagine the void that is there. God bless.

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