Fatherless children

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Working in the gym i noticed these mothers raising their child or children by themselves, maybe they had a boyfriend and maybe they didn’t, maybe the child’s dad was around and maybe he wasn’t, a lot of them opened up to me and would tell me that their child’s dad took off when she first found out she was pregnant or took off at some point down the line because he didn’t want the responsibilities of being a parent… maybe these mothers just needed someone to vent to… there was this one mom in particular whose child was making a fathers day gift and when she seen what her child was doing she said “oh how cute, to bad she doesn’t have a dad to give it to” and when she was done i saw a sense of sadness in her eyes, as she was probably debating on who she would have her daughter give the fathers day card to…

how does any mother explain something like that to their child, i don’t think there is any right way or right time to inform the child their dad isn’t around.. i was told at a young age by my grandfather that my real father wasn’t around, there was no explanation given right away when it was said, but eventually when i was older things were explained the best they could be.. i am sure that void is always felt, even before it’s told to the fatherless child, but i wonder if that void is so powerful it’s possible to be felt even in the womb… after all, there is a connection for so many months before the child is born…

There were children with both parents around, whether or not the parents were together made no difference because their dad was still in the picture… but seeing a number of kids without dad around it was an all to familiar feeling, i could relate to those kids.. it didn’t matter they were only a few years old and i was almost 20, that void i carried they to carried as well…

Maybe i was fortunate enough to be raised around my brothers dad, but he not only made it obvious i wasn’t his he reminded me i wasn’t when he would tell me things like he only helps raise me because my real dad wanted nothing to do with me…

My real dad was a contributing factor to me being born, and that was it.. i am not defined by him in any way at all, i am my own person… There isn’t anything i need to come to terms with him with.. he left and that was it… my mother was both my mom and dad… She taught me to be a man, showed me how men should and shouldn’t treat women and yet was mother at the same time…

And as those mothers at the gym would tell me how they are raising their child by themselves, i would tell them what life and my mother showed me, that maybe life not giving me a father did me a favor and was probably protecting me from having one… i realize that through my mothers instincts it is and was all i needed, and for that………

i am thankful

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Marriage Dominators

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i have seen so many different aspects to what love holds … it brings light to peoples life but for some love is completely dark… at some point in that quest for love some believe to make that love “official” they do what most consider the greatest accomplishment of their life and get married…

That wedding ring states the person is married, but i have wondered what does that marriage license do? does it make it official? Does it just prove that you are married? Does it Mean That you now legally own your spouse?

There is a respect factor that takes place towards marriages, but isn’t their a respect factor in the marriage? i imagine their is certain things that come to an end when you get married as you let go of being single and transition into being married, i am completely aware their is no perfect relationship and that with the highs comes the lows..

but i don’t believe that a marriage means you own another persons life… i have seen men in their marriage in absolute control over everything even their wife… not even just the marriage but in a relationship as well how one feels they own the other..

i doubt when you sign your marriage license it means that you sign over your rights as a person to the other spouse, although that controlling spouse might think different… i have seen a few married men dictate everything about their wife’s life from who she can and cannot hang out with to even how she act’s as a person, i don’t think she thought that in signing the marriage license she was agreeing to sign over her individuality…

i don’t believe that anybody should have to ask for permission to go to the store because the insecure spouse needs to know where you at at all times.. asking who your married to if what your wearing is nice or cute is one thing but when what you wear becomes dictated because your spouse doesn’t want you having to much attention or thinks that by you not looking your best he can trust you more… i would think that part of the reason you said your vows is because you completely trust that person…. maybe that spouse has a serious inferiority complex and doesn’t want you looking better than him….

in a marriage where you have to watch what say or the tone you say it in so you don’t offend or hurt your spouses feelings, i wonder where in the vows does it say that when you get married the 1st amendment no longer applies to you…

some love getting married so much they get married numerous times, some have huge extravagant weddings and are willing to go broke over it and some just prefer the drive thru that’s open 24hrs a day…..

i am sure marriage is a great thing and it seems it works differently for each couple, some claim to have a great spouse that they are completely in love with while they have a lover on the side and then some choose to just remain in denial but however there marriage to work and last (which is a rare thing nowadays) is great for them… but would it still last if the divorce was as cheap as the marriage license…

mutual love and mutual respect in a marriage is important where 2 become a unity Not Defined By One, an individual shouldn’t have to lose their identity to better suit the marriage…

Men and Mommy Issues

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growing up i was pretty much stuck to my real grandfathers side, the wealth of knowledge he shared with me and the comments that held so much value… he started talking to this girl, and she started telling him how her boyfriend would call her awful names and he tells her “how a man treats his mom is how that man treats his girl”…

……. growing up some of the names i heard my mother being called were things that would shatter any women’s self worth, as if the names to mom weren’t enough, the men thought it was “manly” to tell me what they thought about my mother, they expressed to me and thought i should know how much of a wh**e my mom was… i wondered what that was supposed to do for them telling me things like that at such a young age.. i guess the famous drug addict phrase ” i was high so i didn’t mean to do that” makes it all okay… but then what about the one claims sobriety?

i am completely aware of the fact that no relationship is perfect, and every couple is going to have it out with each other.. i get that…… calling people names is something that takes place right away in life as children and most don’t grow out of that… but i wonder when men call women names what that does for a person, perhaps the names they call women is the best way they know how to have an effective argument… thinking about what my grandfather said “how a man treats his mom is how a man treats his girl”… maybe those names men call women is a result of how he views his own mother.. men with mommy issues seem to carry that bitterness towards women and the abuse takes place with not just one but all their relationships… not to say it holds true for every couple and in every fight… but the men who can’t get enough of calling women Bit***s as if that is the only name they are aware of or the ones who can’t put up a good argument with women so they resort to the more hurtful names.. maybe how a women views or feels about her father is how she views or feels about who shes with?
maybe this guy didn’t like how his mom treated his dad, or that his mom didn’t give him enough attention and wasn’t there, maybe his mommy didn’t remember his 40th birthday, or mommy didn’t get him his lettermens jacket, and those issues with mommy roll over into verbally abusing who he is with because out of respect for his mom he won’t say how he really feels about her so instead he calls his girl those names…

i have heard numerous women say they feel like its them or that their doing something wrong or not doing enough if she could see how he treats his mom maybe then she will see the issue isn’t with her.. if men recognized their mommy issues i wonder if then they could see their issues with women differently…

 

Not so Manly

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as a teenager i could some what tell at first and then it just became completely obvious the abuse mom was going through.. how i managed to maintain the amount of self control i did and not hurt him is beyond me…. then out of no where my grand-Father tells me ” a man who beats up on women are not only not real men, but don’t have the balls to fight other men”…

seeing first hand the tears build up and the moment they fell down her cheek and then drip off her jaw line eventually wiping away her face and smearing her make up in the process and then cleaning the tears and make up off her hands… you could almost feel her pain as she spoke..  mom wasn’t the only one i seen go through those moments life for some reason would show me a few more.. it seemed like every girl i knew was getting abused and most of them found some kind of comfort in talking to me about those moments…. in them telling me how there boyfriend beat them up or called them names i could never wrap my mind around what they could have possibly done for that so called man to feel she deserves that …

i feel like part of the reason men bully women is because in some distorted way they find women a challenge… abusive men must seriously think women could put a good fight and hold their own.. i have seen more often then not the abusive man have this big mouth and these fighting stories that some people mistake for being manly, yet when another man calls out this abusive man he completely cowers down and does whatever it takes to avoid getting his ass whipped… and in moments like that i wished the girl he abused could see him cower away so she could see for her self that he’s no man at all… the fact that he walks away from a fight yet waits to bully his girl around shows how less of a man he actually is…

there must be some kind of ego fix that takes place when a man bullies a women.. feeling as if it’s appropriate to put his hands on a girl it must completely stroke his ego to see her upset and afraid… i can’t imagine how that could possibly make a man feel more like a man…

they always excuse that behavior and then manage to turn it around and make it seem like she provoked the whole thing and therefore had it coming.. either out of guilt or completely trying to justify the fact that they get off on abusing women… these men are jokes for men, and an even bigger joke to think people like that change…

 

 

 

Fragile little feelings

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Sympathy……….. without looking it up online the first thing that comes to mind is “feeling sorry or bad for someone”… i could understand that to a certain degree being there is a few things i have a soft spot for that seem to provoke that feeling in me..  but are you supposed to have “sympathy” for a sensitive person.. how about having sympathy for a sensitive or overly sensitive “man”..  i have had moments and am completely part of that topic being that the overly sensitive influence from “men” and “father figures” in my life left that trait completely noticeable about me. … i don’t know how or what a man is supposed to be or act like so that is how i assumed a “man” to be..  i was shown certain aspects of being a “man” which included taking everything personal and allowing your feelings to be hurt from the littlest of comments…

either my mother is completely rude or such a hard ass to the point where it could be manly or the men i was surrounded by are just fragile little girls with fragile little feelings… constructive criticism is aimed at helping another person better themselves only said out wanting to help someone.. but when a “man” confuses that for being a mean cut down, should a person question there motive in that comment being all you were doing was handing out constructive criticism..do you keep in mind the fragile little feelings men carry when you talk to them… either some people can’t handle that or feel without flaw i am guessing… you see my mothers not one for holding back a comment,  and the thought of being around “men” you wouldn’t think she would have to..

when your arguing it seems that nasty cut downs go along with it… are you not supposed to defend yourself because those “men” can’t handle it… she can cut you down and rip you apart if she has to but that doesn’t take place tell these “men” began calling her names that would shatter anyone women self worth.. she took the cut downs but then began her own cut downs towards them and without fail they couldn’t handle it and the fragile little feelings where hurt.. the men could dish it but god forbid if they had to take it… women aren’t made of stone and neither was mom but she wasn’t so sensitive that she would break down and fall apart like they would have wanted her to…

now how a “man” takes a genuine compliment as a cut down is something that has left me dumbfounded many times.. i can not make sense of any of that nonsense….

do you refrain from conversations because if a topic that gets brought up these “men” seem to take personal and some how make it seem you were implying it was all about them when you weren’t even thinking of them when the topic got brought up..

how do you revolve life around these fragile little feelings, how do women be women when a man acts like that? no one should have to cope with the fact that some people are completely self centered and have to watch what they say around emotional men cause god forbid they can’t handle what is being said.. the freedom of speech to say whats on your mind is wonderful but to limit, watch and filter what you say so you don’t hurt no ones feelings is horrible that completely takes you away from feeling comfortable with your opinion let alone with yourself.. no one should second guess their voice let alone have to find it..  im sure it confuses most to see a tough looking man be that sensitive..